Quest for the Holy Pie Pan

There are some things that are given. Things like sunny days in summer, flowers in spring and apple pies. These are fixtures. Realities. Things without which life will cease to exist and the universe will implode upon itself. As such, England is placing the universe in a precarious position. While there may be flowers it is extremely rainy far too close to June 1st and worse still... there is a disturbing dearth of pie pans.

There are items which one is told are pie pans by people who clearly have sustained a brain injury of some kind or have been placed under mind control by evil beings working towards the end of the universe. They are not pie plans. They aren't even tart pans. They are tiny little curved dishes made out of a non stick baking tray material. If one tried to make an apple pie in them there would not be adequate room for the apples thus totally missing the point of an apple pie. In a desperate attempt to save the universe from the utter destruction that will no doubt occur should the apples in the garden ripen without having a pie to go into, a scouring of the vicinity has occurred. Hours of walking from shop to shop in the irritatingly unseasonal rain looking for a proper pie pan have finally paid off. Summer apple pies will be here to hold off the end of the universe just a little longer.

Even more clear a sign of the impending end of the universe (and that it will clearly start in London) is being told by the grocery store clerk in the second to last week of November that there are no pumpkins because 'pumpkin day is over.' British grocery clerks insightful commentary on American holidays is no doubt the stuff that sociology dissertations are made but perhaps he should just shut up and get a damned pumpkin so I can make pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving dinner. As nice as the sweet potato pie was that I had to make instead; this year there will be a pumpkin pie if I have to have the pumpkin shipped to me from America.