Chinese New Year

I spent the weekend and many of my free hours last week decorating and preparing for Chinese New Year. This is not a normal event for me but my niece was learning about Chinese New Year and was excited about the idea of actually observing it, at least in part. So after finding a place where we could watch the Lion Dance, I decorated. I hung lights and made red signs with gold embossed Chinese characters for luck and happiness and whatever else I could find in rubber stamp form. I even replaced the lamp shade with a red Chinese lantern and hung a paper dragon from the ceiling. There were dumplings to steam, unusual candies to eat, boxes to paint red and gold and a video game to play. The video game had nothing to do with Chinese new year, but video games are always good.

The reality is that what I was really doing, while putting hours into preparing one slightly educational experience for two small children, was not thinking about work. Actively and pointedly NOT thinking about work.

Not thinking about being unable to track down data points needed for a major speech by a major player. Not thinking that contracting leaves you as a target for those who wish to pass the blame or need to unload on someone where it wont come back at them. Not thinking about being shoved 4 in an office made for 1. Not thinking about the fragmented and fungible nature of contracting where you never get to see anything through to fruition or have time to fully understand and invest in project. But most of all not thinking about how I just cannot seem to do it anymore. My last functional neuron seems to have stood up and walked away in disgust. Clearly it feels that if I cannot learn enough not to get myself into these positions there is no point in trying.